She was older, much older, and walked in with a confidence that betrayed the fact she'd done this many times before, and was confident in her nakedness.

I sat nervously in the steamy heat, an inexperienced first-timer, unsure of where to put my eyes.

You're maybe thinking I'm about to describe a devastating seduction, like a young Dustin Hoffman at the hands of Mrs Robinson in The Graduate?

Well, em, sadly not. I'd like to assure you - and my Mum, and my editors, too - that this scenario was not as it sounds. I was in Germany. I was in a spa. And in German spas, it just so happens, everyone is naked as the day that they were born.

We Scots, unlike the Germans, aren't partial to throwing aside our clothes, for the doctor or anyone else. Plus, my eyes had seen nothing but the insides of textbooks for a month. I can't lie; it was with trepidation I shed my Speedos.

However, as erotic experiences go, it was up there with taking the bin out, or watching High Road.

It turns out that those most relaxed in their skin are those whose skin is most relaxed. The spa was packed with leather-faced crinklies.

But I began to feel the liberation of the experience.

Wandering about with all these people of different shapes and sizes was fascinating. It was like being part of another anonymous world where insecurities are cast aside. It dawned on me that nakedness is a great leveller: everyone, fat or thin, young or old, looks faintly ridiculous with their bits and bobs unleashed.

Then the nightmare scenario occurred. Kim Basinger's more attractive sister wandered into the sauna. Oh, please, no, not here, not now. I desperately tried to think of Maggie Thatcher in a bikini. Playing a game of volleyball with Cherie Blair.

Panic arose inside me. I dashed for the door, hurdling a rotund Frau on my way, and dived for the icy-cold plunge pool, cannon-balling in.

As I cooled off, I furiously chastised my stupid home country and its mystification of the body.

Suitably chilly, still embarrassed, and my confidence ruined, I eventually clambered towards my towel and safety.

How ironic that a beautiful naked woman should spoil my day.